Rant It Gurl
This is just a photo of the nail polish I'm currently wearing, it has nothing to do with what I really want to talk about, I just thought it was a cool photo, I was playing around with my camera last week. Sorry for all the posts this week haha. You guys know what's been going on in my life but I haven't really expressed how I feel. I don't really have space to do so in my 52 week project lol. So I'm starting this thing called "Rant It Gurl"© I copyright this! I may not update this all the time but sometimes when I have something strongly to say. I should have made this a blog, Oh well.
So as you all know who George is, and you guys all ask if he's my boyfriend, are we just friends, will we ever be a couple. Well I'm going to say that we are not any of those things. As of yesterday we are done. Or so I think. I could be wrong, but it sure feels like it, but I brought this all on myself. I tend to run my mouth when I think of something, or when I get angry, so naturally that is what happened yesterday. I've been thinking for a while how different the two of us are & I started to wonder if that effected us as friends. He didn't feel it did, but I just couldn't shake the feeling of it. My brain sets up things for me to see them the way that they aren't. I know. So for the last little while to me I've been seeing him as someone who doesn't really like me, and doesn't like that we're different. Even though I know it's not true, my brain will twist it until I believe that what my brain is telling me is true. It's probably some disorder, I've never checked it out. I have yet to even tell him this because I'm afraid he won't even listen to me. I don't know how to communicate with him. I only have his number so I can't send him long paragraphs, and I can't say what I mean. I think that's what went wrong yesterday as well, I have a hard time saying what I mean, he told me yesterday that I made no sense and I guess that would be my fault for not just saying what I meant. If I where to call him I wouldn't be able to say anything because I can write what and how I feel a lot better then saying it. So I'm at a loss at what I should even do about this. I know that I'm just going to wait a couple days to see if he comes around, but I don't think he will. He has no problem going months without talking to me so this time would be no different. He probably knows I'm going to say something, and come crawling back, but I'm tired of that too.
I'm tired of being the one who puts in all the effort. He would argue back and say that I wasn't. But I always seem to start the conversations, I always ask if he wants to hangout. It's me, If I didn't ask or start a conversation I doubt I'd ever hear from him or see him. I'm tired of feeling like that as well. I think it's because I care too much. Maybe I should tone down the caring. Sometimes I wonder if he even cares about me at all. He says he does because he asks me about things. He also told me he knows nothing about me. How can you know someone for at least 2 years and not know a single thing about them? He just doesn't care enough about me to remember anything I tell him. Another thing that pisses me off about him is the fact that he won't come to my house or meet me somewhere unless his fuckin dad can give him a ride, cuz he'll be needing to rely on fuckin daddy the rest of his life. BUT he can go to the mall to visit other people with his OWN fuckin bus money.
I know that if I say any of this to him he'd throw it back in my face and make it seem like its my fault, or just say that it wasn't true. He wonders why I never tell him anything. Look what happens he runs away from me. When I said that maybe we should be friends anymore, he just ok, he didn't even put up a fight.
I know I've made him out to be this monster. But I know that he's not. I know he's not perfect because gosh I know that I'm far from it, but I'm just tired of him, Maybe I should take a break. Do you take a break from being friends? That's a weird question isn't it. I feel better letting all that out now.
eyes are red and tears are shed
This world you must've crossed... you said...
You don't know me, you don't even care